Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Where has my marathon mojo gone?

As you know, I've been training for a marathon. I'm currently on week 4. 
I've been looking off and on for the ideal 'first' marathon. But honestly, part of me has just been dreading it. I wanted to run a marathon because I felt like I should. That's the next step, after a Half, right? But I don't think my heart has really been in it. Maybe that's why I haven't signed up for one yet.
  Last night I was searching yet again, for a marathon to run. And I just thought, you know what? I don't really want to do this! So, I said ok, I'm not going to run a marathon.
 I turned off the computer and immediately felt huge relief. I felt like all this pressure lifted off of me. 
But then here it comes...guilt!! 
 I should WANT to run a marathon! That's what good runners do. They go all the way, they push themselves to the max and don't stop at halfway! Maybe I'm not a 'real' runner since I don't have a desire to run 26.2 miles.
I'm not burnt out on running, I love it, my life would not be complete without running! It brings me joy! I love my long runs, the longest I've run is 13 miles, I want to run even longer, I want to get even faster!

So, why do I all of a sudden feel like I don't want to run a marathon?  I don't know!

I decided I'll just say "not right now". Maybe next Fall. Maybe I just need more time. Maybe I'll change my mind about it.
 In the meantime, I'll keep lacing up my shoes and giving it my all. And I'll never forget how I felt when I ran for one entire mile, without stopping. At that moment I knew there was hope. I was no longer the fat girl, I was now an athlete. 
 Running one mile was when I became a real runner, not 26.2.

17 comments:

  1. I can completely relate to this...I just did my first half marathon on 9/22/12 and now I guess the next step would be the full...but I honestly don't know if I have a desire to ever do a full at least for sure not right now.

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    1. That's the same date I did my first Half too! We just have to take it a day at a time, running a marathon isn't for everyone. You ran a half, and that's HUGE!

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  2. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. The important thing is that you LOVE running and that's what you should focus on. Keep doing that and the marathon will happen when you're ready!

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    1. Thanks, Rachel! I will try to just focus on my running!

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  3. Rachel is right! Don't force yourself and don't put too much pressure on yourself. I think it's great that you kinda realize that maybe not now is the best time, and you'll be more focused in the future!

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  4. There is no rule that says you have to run a marathon. Take some time to enjoy running - and your great half marathon PR! The marathon will always be there in the future when(if) you're ready.

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    1. Thank you! That's true, the marathon will always be there, I don't need to rush it!

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  5. YOU are RIGHT! You became a runner at mile marker #1-- not #2, or #13.1 or even #26.2.
    Wait until you want it. I have already been feeling like I'm supposed to train for a marathon next, and I've not even run my 1/2. It's this weight on my shoulders........and that is NOT how it should be. When it's right, and the best thing for me......six months ago I wouldn't have ever DREAMED of running a 1/2 marathon- or 10 miles for that matter. And then one day, this fall.......it was like- I can do that. I WANT to do that. It's become a dear and precious journey to me as I train and prepare and learn so much about myself.
    Your journey to a marathon should be the same way. That might be in 4 months, or 14 years.
    :)

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    1. That really is good advice, to wait until I want it. You're right, it was such a weight on my shoulders too! It is an amazing journey, I'm so glad you're on it too! :)

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  6. I totally agree, you don't have to run a marathon to be a "runner". I think running should be enjoyable so there is no need to pressure yourself into doing something you don't want to do or aren't ready for. You should be proud of what you've accomplished so far :)

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  7. As you know already I can totally relate to this. However I hope you still head up tot he flying pig! We can both do the half :) Then eat candy and ice cream together!

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    1. Sounds like a plan to me, girl! I definitely want to do that. Especially the candy and icecream part. ;)

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  8. Hey awesome lady- you've been nominated for a blog award! Run over and find it at my blog!

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  9. You should do what you find fun! I find that when I push myself into something that I don't find fun or want, I don't give it my 100%. Wait til it feels right!

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  10. You definitely don't have to run a marathon to be a "runner"! I ran for 10 years before deciding to tackle the full- and I'm still debating if I want to do more. I definitely prefer the half distance. Plus, marathon training takes over your life! :) I'm glad you're sitting on it, and taking the decision seriously.

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