Monday, April 28, 2014

Indiana Trail 100 Recap

This is not the recap I was planning on writing, but here it is. You might want to grab a drink and get comfy, cause it's a long one.

 Friday night my friend Dan and I drove 5 hours to Indiana, to run the IT100 on Saturday. The first 100 miler for both of us. We stopped and picked up our packets, took pics and then went to my friend Lydia's house for the night. She and her hubby cooked us a delicious meal, and we went to bed early, 3:45 would come quickly.


 To back up just a little, Thursday morning I woke up with all the symptoms of bronchitis and a sinus infection again. The same thing that had forced me to back out my half marathon just a few weeks ago. I knew that wasn't good, but NOTHING was going to stop me from this race, no matter what. I worked too hard to quit now.
 I was hoping by Saturday I would be feeling better, but I wasn't. Friday night I didn't sleep well because I was feeling so sick.

The race started at 6 am, so we wanted to be there by 5:15. I was still coughing and blowing my nose a lot, but it didn't even enter my head that I would DNF. I was determined to do 100. I would just push through it.

The gun goes off at 6, and we begin! We ran in the dark for the first hour, with our headlamps lighting the way. I decided not to wear a hydration pack, instead just using my Lululemon handheld water bottle. I was able to put 3 GU's in it, so I knew I would be fine between aide stations, and I was.

 I think it was around mile 10 when I started feeling really bad. I was having a very hard time breathing. My legs and feet felt great, but my lungs were hurting and I couldn't take full breaths. It just kept getting worse until it started to hurt to even drink water, just swallowing hurt.
Each loop was around 16 miles, and coming to the end of the first loop, I realized this might become a 50 miler instead.

 Dan was doing excellent, except his shoes were really hurting his feet. After changing them out at the main tent, we started out on lap 2. Just a few miles into it, I told him to go on without me and run his own race. I knew I was slowing him down and that just killed me. It took a little convincing, but I finally talked him into going and he finally ran off. So now it was just me and the trail, alone. Every once in awhile someone would run by me, and they would wave or say hi, or say looking good- or something. Everyone was SO nice and encouraging. They would tell me I'm doing good, and I'd say thanks, but I was thinking "oh, if you only knew!"
 By mile 20 I knew this would be my last lap. I went through so many emotions. I would tear up thinking how in the world am I going to tell everyone I quit at 33?? How can I fall so very short of this huge goal I set for myself? Where's the Katie who said NOTHING will stop her? Where's the tough Katie who people say inspire them? At the moment all I could see was a weak girl who couldn't follow through. I was telling myself I would delete my blog and my facebook, and just disappear. I could hardly bear the thought of letting everyone down. I thought I was strong, but I wasn't. Strong is these fast runners on their 3rd and 4th lap, while I'm walking on my 2nd.
 I know it might make some of you mad that I entertained those thoughts, but it's just my truth at the moment.

 My awesome friend Ray, came down from Virgina just to pace Dan and I on the last 50. He's an awesome runner, who has ran 13 1/2's and 1 full. He's working on running a half in every state. He got there before it was time for him to start running, so he was a HUGE help to us. He was at every aide station, cheering us on, encouraging us. At one point he went and got me some medicine and a diet coke. That diet coke tasted like heaven!!

Walking through the finishing chute, knowing this was it.
After 33 miles, (the 2nd loop) I walked through the finish line. I knew this was it. Ray was doing his best to get me back out there, but my mind was set. Every breath hurt and I knew I couldn't go on anymore.

 I turn in my timing chip to this really sweet lady. She gives me a long hug and lets me bawl on her shoulder. Then Mike, the RD gives me a hug. These people were incredibly kind.
 I call my husband and he encourages me and tells me how proud he is of me. Then I call my Dad. Sometimes a girl just needs her daddy!

 Other than having trouble breathing, I felt great!! My legs felt great, my feet were starting to hurt, but I knew trading out my shoes would've been all I needed. I know without a doubt, I could've done a lot more if I wasn't sick.

  Dan did absolutely awesome. He ran 68 miles in 20 hours. He had started falling asleep while he was running, and after the 4th loop (which he ran with Ray), he just had nothing left. I'm so incredibly proud of him!!

 The past couple days have been hard for me emotionally. This was such a huge goal for me and to not finish it just devastated me. I know people can't understand how I can be disappointed with 33 miles. But 33 out of the 100 that it was supposed to be, is what makes it hard for me!

I'm in a much better place today. I've had time to process and think about everything, and here's what I've learned. I can't attach my self worth to running. Seems simple, right? It's not for me.
 I know it's ok to be disappointed. But I AM strong. I still got out there and ran. I could've stopped at 16 miles, but I didn't. I gave it my ALL. I did my best. For that, I am happy!!

At this point, I have no desire to ever attempt another 100 miler, but that could always change. But I absolutely want to do a 50. On a FLAT course!! I swear, Indiana is an incredibly flat state (I used to live there), but I realized that every single hill is at Chain O Lakes. I don't remember ever running on a hillier course. Wow.

 I want to thank all of you guys here, on Instagram, my personal FB and my FICTM FB page for your support and encouragement. At one point Ray showed me my FB page on his phone and I got to read a lot of yall's comments. I can't tell you how reading them kept me going. Thank you with all of my heart. In the past couple of days, I have read every single comment over and over again. You all are amazing.

 I got this precious message from my 14 year old stepson. More tears!
And then when I got home Sunday night, this was waiting for me on the table. Thank you Jeremy, for always supporting and loving me. And buying me ice cream.

Well, this journey is over. I'm a little sore today, but not too bad. I'm still fighting this sinus infection though. I can't wait to get back out there and run again. That is what I absolutely love to do.
 This may have gotten me down for a little bit, but not for long. I will absolutely be back. And I cannot wait.

 If you have any questions, feel free to ask them. In another post I'll share the things I learned and what I would do different next time.

 Thank you all for sharing in this journey with me!




35 comments:

  1. Katie, you tried your best out there even though you didn't make it to your original goal. Doing 100 miles when perfectly healthy is a SERIOUSLY tough feat, and doing it while fighting an infection is downright dangerous. I am so glad to hear that you didn't push yourself to the point where you could have gotten so much worse.

    Reaching such a goal is HUGE. Strength isn't measured by your ability to reach it on the first try, but by your refusal to admit defeat and keep on trying! You were brave to even have the goal of running 100 miles, and were an inspiration to us before you even toed the starting line.

    Take care, and hope you feel better soon so you can get out there and do what you love!

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    1. Thank you so much Jojo. You are such a great encourager. :)
      I love what you said "Strength isn't measured by your ability to reach it on the first try, but by your refusal to admit defeat and keep on trying!" That's awesome. I'm going to write that down. xoxo

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  2. One thing we can never control is getting sick, and sometimes depending on the illness what we want may not be in the cards. But I still think 33 miles is amazing! They still call that an ultra marathon finish, don't they?
    I have been reading your blog since about the time you started training for this, and your training alone impressed me. I know you might not be as happy with yourself as you'd like, but you still totally impressed me!
    I hope you get feeling better soon, and when you sit back and think about this. Think about how much you accomplished while being sick, because you did a huge accomplishment!! Great job!!!!

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    1. Thank you so much Kristy! Yes, 33 is still an ultra marathon, so I do feel good about that! I really appreciate all of your support! :)

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  3. Aww ! What a loving and supporting family you have! I'm so proud of you too! Congrats on what you achieved! I can't run 3 miles even if there was a Bear running to eat me lol!

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    1. Oh Sheetal, you could! Lol! Thank you so much. :)

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  4. I am so proud of you :) you went for the race even when you were not feeling well, you completed 33 miles and the best part is all the training and hard work you put in is worth all the appreciation. You should be proud of yourself, seriously all your training motivates people like me who one day want to run as many miles as you
    take care xx

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    1. Thank you Tanvee. I really appreciate that. xoxo

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  5. You are so much stronger than me, i would have called it a day when I realized I was sick. I'm such a baby when I get sick. I give you so much credit for just getting out there and giving it your all. And you are absolutely right, we shouldn't gauge our self worth on our runs. We need to raise ourselves up and take credit for every single step that we take. You are a tiny % of the population that is doing this and that is HUGE. You are a winner in my book. There will be more races, and you will get the chance to redeem yourself if you feel it necessary. Big hugs! Congrats on 33 miles! That's longer than I've ever run, and you are officially and ULTRAMARATHONER now!

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    1. Thank you Sue!! I can't wait to redeem myself and beat it next time!! Thanks for always encouraging me. :)

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  6. Congrats to you Katie!! You should be very proud!! I have a woman in my running group and she is an amazing runner. She too had been training for a 100 miler and had several coaches instructing her. She has run over 30 marathons. Well, she made it to the 50 mile mark and her feet could no longer go on. She had developed huge blisters and could hardly stand!! This runner had trained so incredibly hard and we were all so proud of her, but things happen. Move on. Find another goal girl!!! YOU ROCK!!

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    1. Wow, well I now know how she feels. You just never know what your body is going to do. Thank you so much Teresa!!

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  7. 33 miles is an insane amount of running!! That is MORE than a marathon, AND you were sick! You are tough as nails, girl. A real inspiration! I'm struggling to hit 7 miles on my runs. I can't even wrap my head around 26.2, let alone 33!!!!

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    1. Thank you!! Just keep going, you'll get there. I remember those days too!

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  8. We are so hard on ourselves... but I get it. I've done that before, thinking, "I'm going to hide from the world" - when in actuality, you're STILL doing more then most of the world even THINKS about doing. Its crazy the mind set we put on ourselves. I've read a few race recaps of the same race & FYI, I have yet to read one person finishing 100 miles :)
    You're still awesome... some days, its just not in the cards & that's OK. You still learn. You still come out a better person!

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    1. Thank you so much girl. I did learn a lot and do feel like it made me stronger somehow. I found out that 184 signed up for the 100 miler, and 101 finished. So I guess there were a lot of us who finished early. :)

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  9. You know what makes you so amazing - you didn't give up and quit fighting because it was hard! You did what you had to do, to be smart and listen to your body. Girl, you have trained your butt off and it's been so inspiring watching you chase that dream. Keep fighting the good fight, my friend! You are amazing. You are a finisher! Heal up and feel better soon!

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    1. Thank you so much Kim. You are so sweet, and definitely made me feel a lot better. :)

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  11. Regardless of what happened, what you did was amazing. On Sunday, I'm running my first marathon ever and I wanted you to know how motivating your blog has been for me over the past few weeks of training.

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    1. I'm so glad to hear that. I'd love to know how your marathon goes!! I know you'll do great. I'll be thinking about you Sunday!

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  12. You are so amazing! Although I still think it's awesome that you ran 33 miles, I can still totally understand how you'd be feeling and how hard it must have been for you to write this post. Which I think makes you even stronger, as well as the fact that you are already dying to get back out running! Well done girl, you are a true runner! xx

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    1. Thank you Rachel! That is so sweet of you to say. xoxo

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  13. You know how many times I've running 33 miles? Never. Especially when I'm sick. We were rooting for you Katie and guess what? We're still rooting for you. Your self-worth is tied to you, the wonderful person you already are...not running. Running is just what you do for fun, and you kicked butt for 33 miles!
    We are proud of you too.

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  14. No matter if it was 1 mile or all 100 you did your very best and pushed harder than most would dream of. You are a rock star and an inspiration to all of us :)

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  15. Thank you for the heartfelt recap Katie! I think what is most important is how all this makes you stronger-because it does weather you accomplish your goal or not. 33 miles is still farther than almost anybody has ever run so congratulations on that! I hope you are feeling back to your normal, healthy self really soon! Keep smilin :)

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    1. Thank you so much Rhoda. I am feeling much better!

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  16. You are freaking amazing. Seriously. 33 miles AND you were sick!!! I am in awe. I'm proud and inspired by you Katie. Thank you for your honest race report. I totally understand where you're coming from - I think a lot of runners do. We all have races that we feel could have gone better. It's those less than ideal races that make us appreciate the ones that DO go well.

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    1. Thank you Phaedra. YOU inspire me, giving me hope that one day I can be as fast as you. You're exactly right, the bad runs definitely make me appreciate the good ones! :)

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  17. So I found your blog today through a post I read and I have to say I am your newest follower. First I am sorry you could not FINISH BUT holy mollie! You ran 33 MILES and having problems breathing. I cannot even phantom making that happen. That is pretty hardcore awesome and I cannot wait to see where this running journey takes you!

    PS, I love your family! Flowers and ice cream? Best welcome gift ever!

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    1. Thank you so much! I agree, it doesn't get any better than ice cream and flowers! ;)

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  18. Great to read your recap..I am so scared I am going for a 50 miler June 7th...looking through your training to try and get some tips and help, Thanks!

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    1. That's awesome! I can't wait to do a 50 miler!

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