I'm not in denial anymore.
I have gained back all but 5 lbs of the weight I lost last year.
This was me, exactly one year ago at the Chicago marathon.
I had lost 30 lbs., and for the first time in many years, I felt SO good. I was confidant, all of my clothes fit, I could even see a hint of abs, that used to be covered in fat. My running was going great, I felt light and my pace was getting quicker.
I was constantly telling myself "do NOT gain the weight back. Keep going, you're doing so good, only 20 more lbs.", etc.
The compliments were very nice too. It's nice to always hear "you're getting so skinny, everytime I see you, you've lost more weight", and so on.
Now I'm back to where I started. How?
Well, life as I knew it came crashing down- of my own doing. My husband and I started marriage counseling at the beginning of the year, we went through a lot of things with my stepson, life just became pretty dang miserable. So ever since January, I've just put on a couple pounds a month, until now, I've gained it all back.
I'm not going to post a pic of what I really look like now, because it's just embarrassing. It's been easy to hide the weight gain in pics by just covering up or even the angle of the camera. But I know the truth.
So, here we go again! I hate the term "getting back on the wagon", because I'm not doing that. I'm just getting back to eating healthy and small portions and WAY less ice cream.
Now instead of 20 lbs left, I once again have 50. But I've done it before, so I know I can do it. I will do it.
My life may still be in shambles, I'm still drowning in a sea of uncertainty, and see no land in sight.
But this I can control. This I can do.
I feel like I should apologize for letting anyone down. I know in a way, I feel let down when I was so encouraged by someone's weight loss, only to find out they gained it all back.
We all have our own struggles, don't we?
I'm going to update weekly on my weight loss, I need that accountability. So if you're just going to roll your eyes, you might not want to read that day. :)
Now I'm off to run 10 miles...
Have you ever had to start over?