Friday, May 1, 2015

The never ending weight loss journey

Sometimes I wish, that for one day, I could not think about my weight. Just one day!

But I do, every single day. Sometimes I feel like being so obsessed (?) with my weight is holding me back from really living. How pathetic is that! I know it makes me self conscious, and I'm always wondering if people are thinking "that girl runs??"
 An old lady told me once I didn't look like a runner. Then she tried digging herself out of that, and made it worse. It was quite funny.

A year and a half ago, I lost 30 lbs.
And then I gained 33.
And then I lost 9.
I look back at that picture now and just wanna scream "*#@*# Katie! What have you done??"
 I know that old lady wouldn't have said that Katie doesn't look like a runner.

I just recently saw my race pics from the Carmel half, and they totally devastated me. I know seeing pictures of yourself is what shocks a lot of people into getting serious. I can see why.

I asked my husband if I really look like this...no reply.
Really? I can't believe it!
That will now be my 'before' picture. 

Ok, so in looking for the positive, at least I have runner's legs. These legs have been through 4 marathons and 11 half marathons. That is something I'm proud of.

The problem I have now is I don't know how to do it. I've tried EVERY diet out there. I've tried eating healthy and exercising. I just feel like I'm at a loss.
Sometimes I think if I quit running, I might lose weight. But that is one thing I can't give up. I do plan on using My Fitness Pal again. Being so aware of everything I'm eating really helps me.

I feel like I'm running a marathon and have hit 'the wall'. I will not DNF though. I will keep going. I'm going to do this, dangit!

And just to throw this in here... I run because it makes me happy. It fulfills me. It gives me confidence I've never had before. I run to reach my goals!

Happy Friday!
katie



40 comments:

  1. Wahh. Typed up a whole long comment, it got wiped when I logged into Google. So, I'll summarize.

    1. I always seems to gain a pound or 5 when I'm marathon training. After I finish my marathon this Sunday I'm starting (after some rest of course!) into a 5K/10K plan to work on getting faster & shed some lbs.
    2. I did Whole30 back in October. It was TOUGH. But made me realize how often I eat due to emotions rather than hunger. And the 10lb weight loss wasn't too shabby either. In my opinion it's worth a try. Lots of great internet resources.
    3.Don't stop running. Losing a few pounds isn't worth being miserable in the process. If you don't already, maybe a few speed workouts or plyometrics would help? Make you a better runner & mix it up some.
    4. I don't look like a runner either apparently...whatever that's supposed to look like...and yet, here I am, about to run marathon #3. Ha!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Jessie, I hate when that happens!!
      My plan is no more marathons this year, and just work on my speed. I'm hoping that will help me lose some weight too. Whole30 is something I've seriously been thinking about looking into. I've heard it's hard though. But I'm desperate. So I will check it out.
      I'm thinking the person who said that probably thinks runners are supposed to look like a Kenyan or something. Lol! Woohoo for #3!!

      Delete
  2. Embrace those runners legs! Seriously that is some amazing mileage you have under your belt and you look great

    ReplyDelete
  3. You won't like what I'm going to say, but I'm going to say it anyway, I think you're trying too hard. I have had a history with weight problems too and trust me I'm far from where the ol' BMI chart says I should be. But recently I just stopped worrying about losing weight so much. It helps that I have soooo many other things to worry about right now that seem more important but I'm also focused on finding joy in my life. And joy is not in counting calories or overeating. It's in running, but right now I run naked (no technology, without a sports bra might kill me...) and run until it's not fun anymore. I listen to a daily podcast and one question he reminds us to ask ourselves regularly is "How do I want to feel?" Ask yourself this before a workout, before a meal, before work and the answer will always be positive and will make you think about your perspective. Before a meal I ask myself and sometimes I want to feel full. If that's the case, I eat up! Most of the time I want to feel satisfied. While I eat I focus on my satisfaction which sometimes comes in indulging and sometimes comes from a well dressed salad. I just think focusing on one relatively tiny part of your entire life can be really detrimental to your well being. Easier said than done, I know. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Being nosy - what podcast do you listen to?

      Delete
    2. I was wondering that too, sounds like a good one!

      Delete
    3. I've been wondering if this is my problem too! I count and weigh, and then I have a bad stretch, and don't count, and gain a couple pounds, then I go back to staying on track, and the yo-yo goes up and down, but I don't progress, and I'm certainly not happy.

      Delete
  4. There is nothing more that pisses me off than people saying "you don't look like a runner." People who say that should go stand at the starting line of every race and see how many different types of people there are there, all of whom are runners. Anyhow, you are doing great! Keep going and keep living! And keep those runners legs!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me too, Annette. It's absolutely ridiculous!! I agree, there are many shapes and sizes of runners, and that is awesome! Thanks girl!

      Delete
  5. Oh girl... we are twin souls - I believe that.
    First of all, race pictures are notorious for looking bad. They catch me with my chubby cheeks flapping & just in awkward body poses... so don't judge yourself too harshly on that picture.
    BUTTTT ... I get exactly what you are saying. Except I've lost 65... & gained 80... I'm so freaking angry right now. It's not like we're not TRYING or putting forth an effort. It's so hard....
    BUT WE CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!
    Seriously - maybe we need to do the 21-day fix together?!?!? I'm an ear that understands... once again... as always :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. OH... & fyi - I think you are Beautiful :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ummm maybe just start carrying your 4 marathon medals around with you and if anyone tries to tell you you don't look like a runner, just let those do the talking? I don't think I look like a runner either. When I think of runners I think of people who are tall and lean and that's just not how I'm built. But I've run enough races, and I think you have too, to see that runners come in ALL shapes and sizes - I'm never shocked to learn that someone runs anymore! Honestly, in that picture you look like a strong, badass lady who is determined to get to a finish line - that's what someone who looks like a runner looks like.
    I understand that you're frustrated with your weight, but don't let that detract from the amazing accomplishments you've achieved with that body. You've done things most people couldn't dream of doing one time, let alone multiple times. I know you want to lose weight to be healthier and I think that's great and that you should keep going. Just don't let that stop you from celebrating yourself and the strong body you've built that has carried you through so many miles.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Echoing everything Tracy said. What does a runner look like? What a moronic thing to say. I wish I could offer some helpful insight to your weight-loss journey, but I'm hesitant to provide advice because I know every journey and body is different and has different needs. I will offer this though: No matter what challenges still lay ahead of you, don't let what you can't do/haven't done become more important than what you can do. Be kind to yourself in the process of working toward your goal and you may find that your goal shifts and brings you to a better place. But whatever the case, I'm cheering you on!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I think the reasons you run are great. I also know you will do what you set out to accomplish. You always are working so hard on your goals. I know what a runner looks like... It is all those people I am chasing when I run a race! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for believing in me, Mark! Exactly, I chase lots of people when I'm running, all shapes and sizes! :)

      Delete
  10. You ars so pretty it is such a shame that you worry or think about your weight every day! You look like a runner to me, I can't even begin to imagine running a marathon! I have no doubts you will achieve your goals! Your hubby needs a bit of a kick for his response!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Jess. I'm really trying to change that, and NOT think about it all the time. That is no way to live, and I want to enjoy life! Hubby always tells me I'm beautiful, maybe he was just being honest?!

      Delete
  11. Start lifting weights at least 3 times a week. Go for exercises that use multiple muscles at the same time instead of isolation exercises. Challenge yourself by going heavy. Weight lifting will help you lose fat (use the mirror, not the scale) and will bring out a whole new level of confidence in you. On the running side, I'd add some HIIT work to your routine because it's awesome for fat loss and will help you be a faster runner too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Karen, thank you for all the info!! Very good to know, and I will definitely start doing these things as well.

      Delete
  12. Katie, you are so not alone in this struggle!! I could've written this post. I've been fighting this battle with weight since I was 8 years old, and I don't want this to define me, but I do want to be healthy and happy. I feel like that widely stated definition of "insanity" (doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results) everytime I start and stop My Fitness Pal tracking or the many other strategies/diets I've tried to lose weight. I don't really have any advice for you, but I wanted to tell you I totally relate. I can say that you ARE a runner, and you inspire me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, 8 years old! I think it started for me around 15 or so. I feel the same, I don't want it to define me, but I want to be healthy. I've been using MFP again. It's hard to keep track on the weekends, but so far weekdays are going great. Thank you so much Jen. :)

      Delete
  13. I hate when people say you don't look like a runner and even more when I see race pictures and think I don't look like a runner. I've definitely been there (and am sort of dreading tomorrow's race pictures) so hugs to you. Definitely don't give up running - it makes you happy, so why would you give it up just to lose weight? Definitely not a maintainable strategy unless you never want to run again so why even consider it, right? :) You don't want to lose those awesome runners legs. I don't know the answer to the scale fights but know that you aren't alone. Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hate when they say that too. It's absolutely ridiculous! You're right, I will never give up running, so shouldn't even consider it. I HAVE to have it! Thanks lady. Hugs!

      Delete
  14. I think you look great, but we're all our own worst critics. I was at 117 not too long ago. That was too skinny, even for my five feet. Now I'm up in the 140 area, which is too far in the other direction. I haven't stepped on a scale recently to get an exact number, but shirts are getting tighter. My way of dealing with it is to eat ice cream. Very productive. Race photos are awful, though, because the photographers are always sitting down and they get unflattering angles. Very few people are ever happy with them.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I feel like I'm in a very similarly situation to you, both from a weight and running perspective. While it sucks that it's an issue for both of us, it's still really nice to hear that someone else is really trying. There have been a lot of times when I have wanted to give up - reading your blog definitely helps me stick with it. You will get there - we both will!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for the encouragement Meghan. Knowing I'm able to help you keeps me going! Yes, we WILL get there!

      Delete
  16. Sometimes I wish, that for one day, I could not think about my weight. Just one day! - Oh my gosh I am 100% there with you. I wonder if it will ever end. Like once I hit goal weight I worry that I will just worry about gaining it all back.
    I will say I have been successful lately - losing a bit 3 weeks in a row by tracking every single thing that goes in my mouth with MFP and really not cheating at all. I am also participating in a Weight Loss Challenge at my Orange Theory Fitness and darn it those people and those place are so motivating, they are exactly what I need.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I'm so sorry to hear that older lady said that to you. :( I know how much it sucks, because I have had more than one person say that to me. The first time I heard this, it was after I was talking about running my second half marathon. The guy I was talking to had a really shocked look on his face, and he kept saying "you just don't look like you would be into that." I was so upset, until I started talking to other runners about people saying this to me. They all had similar experiences, so just ignore her and keep running. :) Your blog is inspiring a lot of people.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will never understand why people say that! Of course I don't understand why people say a lot of things they say. What a mean thing for that guy to say to you!! Pretty sure I would've smacked him. :)
      Thanks girl, and I say the same to you- ignore ignorant comments and keep running!

      Delete
  18. New Diet Taps into Pioneering Idea to Help Dieters LOSE 12-23 Pounds within Only 21 Days!

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for your comments! I reply to each one via email. Please make sure you are not a 'no reply' blogger!