Rambling thoughts on a marathon

Just to warn you, this is a bunch of my rambling thoughts.
I need to get it all out, and I know you guys understand crazy runner ramblings, right?

Well, my 16 weeks of training for the Indy Monumental is over.
I followed the Runkeeper training plan, as I've done before. I should say I followed their long run schedule. During the week, I would run whatever I felt like, but for the long run, I followed the schedule.

I have not missed one single long run. The only one that didn't go as planned was my 20 miler. That one ended at 18 instead. Which means my longest run was only 18 miles. But I feel confident that if I can do 18, I can do 26.2. :)

My feelings and emotions about this marathon have been all over the place the past month. There were days I convinced myself to switch to the half. I even emailed them to find out how I can do that.
I was in a really bad place about this whole thing. Very discouraged. Why? Because both of my 18 milers were horrible. I was good until around mile 15-16, and then I just fell apart. Both times.

It's been a year and a half since my last marathon. I had to cancel my last three because of an injury, and then just not feeling ready to tackle the distance.

So all of that just made me doubt that I can do another one. I thought my marathon days are over. I can only do half's. I know there is no shame in that. But that's not what I wanted. I WANT to do this thing. The whole dang thing.

About a week ago, after some encouragement from you guys and a couple close friends, I made the decision that I'm going to do this. The full marathon. I'm not switching to the half. So once I decided that, I had to get my head in the game.
My friend Jen posted this and it changed my whole way of thinking.

I really was hesitant about sharing my struggles with all of this. I want to stay positive, I want to encourage others that if I can do this, you can do it. So, it's hard to share the negative, and to let you know how close I came to backing out. Because I don't want to discourage anyone!

I guess I want you all to know it hasn't all been easy and fun this time around. I struggled a lot.

My first goal for this race is to finish in 5:30. Lately my half's have been around 2:45, so I think that's possible.
But, if I go by how my two 18 milers went, it would be closer to 5:45 or so.

No matter what, I'm going to finish what I started. I'm going to run 26.2 miles.

The harder you have to fight for something, the more priceless it will become once you achieve it. And I will achieve this!